She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
