i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
