GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
