The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
