I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
