i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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