i just had sex bonerless
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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