Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
