I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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