We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
