Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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