Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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