That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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