Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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