sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
