Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
