I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
