don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
