Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
