i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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