Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
