What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
