Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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