If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
