Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
