I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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