I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
