I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
