yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
