well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
