I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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