We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
