the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
