I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
