ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
