In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
