Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
