Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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