don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
