alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize