i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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