I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
