the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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