Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
