My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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