I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
