I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
