drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
