PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
