So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
