he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
