i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
