I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
