Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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