I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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