just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
