She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
