who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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