Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
