I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
