I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
