i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
