my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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