No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
