I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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