I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
